So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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