The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
