Where is the hickey?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
