it's not cheating when I paid for it
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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