Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
