Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
True college students do jello shots in the library
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