I faked an abortion last night.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
