there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Sex in the backyard? Check.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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