Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We have started to decorate penises.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize