i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
