I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
