Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
