ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
