six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
