wanna go halves on a baby?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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