Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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