you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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