I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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