My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He felt like a one man threesome
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
