Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
