I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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