what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
