I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
