I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Sext me about skeletons
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize