I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
did i just pee glitter
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
