I wannas sexs uuuuu
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
