You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
