I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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