Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
