90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
