You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
