I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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