Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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