I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize