wat bout pragnant strippers??
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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