Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
