I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize