Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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