I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
