Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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