Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
