I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
A bitchslap is in order.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
