this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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