ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
