I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Holy sore nipples Batman
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
