Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
