youre lurking in front of me
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
