the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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