Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
