I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
