for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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