so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
