I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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