the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Can you bring me the toilet please
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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