Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
