Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
