Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
