He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
