u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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