I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
