Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
