i don't like sucking hair
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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