if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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