i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize