I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
