You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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