i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
